I've been thinking a lot lately, since I remember at the start of 2012, I thought that was going to be my year! I'd just turned 21, I was newly married, going off birth control, & had a job I thought I enjoyed.. then the year started & it all went south fast. but this year, 2013, started with the cancer, yet this year has been a hell of a lot better.. I have found a new drive in life. I don't want to just be alive, taking up space & air, I want to live, be someone, live for something! I was going nowhere with life & thought I was moving forward, when really I was going nowhere, doing nothing fast. I have found peace without a cell phone. I enjoy the lack of connection with the outside world. people put to much into nothing & don't even see that they are doing so. they see it as something, but really it is not. before cell phones people didn't act as foolish, people are getting stupid & cell phones are getting smarter. That is backwards! take the time to detach from things, the internet, the media, other peoples pointless life, just go outside! Enjoy the sun! Spend time with your friends, face to face, everyone dies! You never know when the time will be up, but make the most of the time you have before we go back to the earth! If you have something to live for you will live! If you are no longer living, you will die & You can die without even knowing it. You become shut in, doing nothing, affecting nobody, dead to the outside world. working a pointless job where nobody cares about you, someone else could replace you in no time. Make a point to be known, to your friends, to your family!
This is just a start to my theory on life. you find a new drive to live when you have to face the thought of really dieing. not that stage 3 thyroid cancer has a high death rate, but just being told you have cancer will take your mind there, even if you see the information saying that you won't die, you hear cancer & think the worse but its like a cleansing of the mind, it really helps you get your shit in order, you figure out what you did wrong & what you want to do before you die. I made lists, tons of lists. my hopes, my dreams, a bucket list, every kind of list, I made! But now that the treatment is over I must do everything I wrote down! I have to accomplish everything I cried over in order to make up time lost to being sick, working a job I hated, living out life nothing like I wanted to! Call me selfish, but I have to be the me I wanted to be but wasn't for the sake of others! Thankfully I love to help others, so I'm not that selfish! But I will not give up my dreams & goals for someone else to not live out theirs & just waste my time. that, I cannot do! Find something worth living for & you won't have time to care about dieing. Then when you look back on life, you'll be proud & content to die. (side note, I'm not at all close to having everything done on my list so I don't plan on dieing any time soon!)
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